Genetic Analysis

We went right out of the ultrasound room into the geneticist room and began immediately with the tears and consultation. I honestly don't think that I was truly done with the tears in the first place. I remember going over family history and things that might have caused all of this, but nothing was out of the ordinary so we finished up and just started talking about options and what was to be expected. Imagine being pregnant and a woman looking at you explaining verbally in detail as well as showing with her hands how it would feel if I lost the baby physically. I was terrified, she said it will feel like a sharp pain at first and while clenching her fist she showed me how I would feel inwardly. I couldn't control my thoughts... I wondered how bad it would be, would I feel it right away, or was it not as bad as explained. I mean did this woman even know what she was talking about if she had never been through it how could she.
The next question I would ask broke me even farther than I could ever have imagined. I didn't feel like I could feel any worse but as I mouthed the words I realized the inevitable pain it would put me through. I asked; "Should I terminate?" Before I could continue she said that is only a question you can answer. I then said; "BUT is he in pain, I do not want to carry him if it is causing him pain..." I began to bawl, (this was just to hard). She looked at me when such compassion in her eyes and told me that it wasn't the baby that was in pain it was me. I couldn't hold anything back, I just let go and i cried all the way though the rest of the appointment. Yes I was in pain... a lot of pain. It felt physical and emotional and I felt like someone had ripped my soul apart and deceived me into taking it back. Little did I know that this was just the beginning... it would be worse, much worse.
As Matt and I proceeded out of the appointment his parents saw the pain in our faces, how could I explain this to them. As I tried, Matt had to take over and tell because the tears just would not stop. I tried to straighten myself up but the pain was so incredibly bad at this point that I just couldn't. I sat in the passenger seat on the way home and looked out the window at nothing, I was thinking of nothing... trying to bury myself under a pile of thoughts not related to the pain I was feeling. I never imagined this would happen who would..