Happiness(:

Bentley never had a chance according to the doctors but that is all I thought over the next few weeks. At 17 weeks I was sitting in my living room chair in the middle of the night and all of a sudden I felt something like bubbles... but it felt different than gas which is what everyone said it could have been. I did not believe it at first but then it happened again. Tears immediately sprang into my eyes and I felt like hope was alive in me and in my baby boy. I was so excited that I ran into the bedroom to tell Matt I had felt Bentley move, of course he was half asleep and barley even took what I said to heart. I thought immediately this was a sign, they had been telling me at every appointment how to prepare for the end. So my thoughts were well if he is kicking me than he is not ready for any kind of "end" either. I was so happy... like can't even explain that kind of happiness.
Days moved forward and so did we... there was no stopping life. Bentley would kick me and I would know everything was okay. Doctors still assured me we were no closer to better than worse and that death was still around the corner. I was told at every appointment to consider abortion and I told them at every appointment that was not a choice. I never gave up hope and it helped me get through every single day. No matter how long or how hard the days became. I began to swell... at this point around 18 weeks I had lost 17 pounds but you could not tell by looking at me. My stomach was so far out I had random people asking when I was due. My wrist and fingers swelled and my feet and ankles began to hurt. The doctors just said swelling was normal, I had been to the ER three times in the last two weeks and I think they were sick and tired of seeing me. The ER visits did not stop and I began to worry about the swelling. I was told rest, rest, rest and yet I was working two jobs. So I made the decision to quit on of them and then soon after was told to stay off my feet and had to quit my other job. Matt hated it.. as a matter a fact he threw it in my face often how "lazy" I was and I began to wish he wouldn't come home. We despised each other on a level that was unhealthy. I wish that I could say that it got better but it didn't it just got worse.
Around 20.5 weeks I had a doctors appointment and we found out that Bentley probably had "club" foot and that was why he was not moving a lot along with the swelling. He was too big and everything was just horrible but it was the same as the week before just new doctors with new eyes. The doctor than did the best thing in the world for me, he gave me hope. He did not offer abortion and he did not tell me really anything bad. He told me that in a few short weeks they would start giving me shots so that Bentley's lungs would rapidly develop and at 28 weeks they would offer induction. I can tell you I was beaming leaving that appointment and my happiness lingered with me.
Too... be....continued.